(360) – YELLOW


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I did not want to play the song, I knew I’d lose my mind, evoke so many memories and awaken even more hopes but I could not resist the urge; it makes me feel alive, makes me feel YELLOW…

Coldplay is my favorite band this summer. I never thought I’d like them as much. However, on the day of my flight to NY I downloaded the song A Sky Full of Stars, did not know why, it just felt perfect at that moment. On the airplane, I found myself playing more hits by them especially that latter mentioned one, I was soaring among the stars, it was for real…

Everyday in NYC, I played Coldplay, loved them, admired their music, they made my unforgettable trip nicer, they accompanied me to many places around the city and was always playing, if not in the car, then in the background of my mind…

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I came back home, could not listen to them anymore. At first, the music would hurt me, it lasted this way for a while but as I figured out things, I decided this should be a motive, not something to hold me back.

Today, I played Yellow, turned up the volume, and up until it was deafening, I sang along, I danced in the car while driving, everybody was looking at me wondering how crazy I am but none of them could feel the heat in my heart, the flow of energy in my body and the amount of strength I’ve got at that particular moment… God…

 

(359) – For The Very First Time


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Travelling on my own such a distance, Frankfurt to NYC, not having anyone to talk to during the whole flight, or share the joys and happy moments of my trip, I was exposed to all kinds of feelings and emotions not knowing precisely what I’m going to see in the next few hours, not being able to do anything but hope for the best.

Out of the blue moon, a strange thought hits me “why am I so excited? I’m visiting the US, what a big deal? WHAT? THE US? AIN’T IT THAT COUNTRY I READ ABOUT ALL THE TIME ON THE INTERNET? THE HOME OF ALL GREAT MOVIES? WHAT? CROSSING THE OCEAN? LANDING IN JFK? MANHATTAN? BROOKLYN? OH LORD!!!! HAVE MERCY ON ME!!!!”

Yes, I was getting even more convinced of the huge step I was taking, I was travelling for real and discovering a whole new world, visiting the country that I did not expect to see… Thank God, Thank God, Thank God… I will never thank God enough, I can’t… THANK YOU GOD…

 

(354) – Spring


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It’s April 1st, I feel very good and optimistic about this year. I have been working diligently on my resolutions and it’s actually paying off so good so far. I am trying to apply, to practice what I read and learn everyday. I am trying to invest in myself, each and everyday one thing at least.

I’ve got my driving license, I’ve read 6 books so far and they’re A Christmas Carol, A Smile Of Fortune, Two Wolves, The Idiot Girl And The Flaming Tantrum Of Death, To Kill A Mockingbird & The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People. They were all amazing books especially The 7 Habits; it took me like 50 days to finish it since I didn’t read in it everyday but when I did, I was submerged in the essence of the book and completely interested in it. To Kill A Mockingbird was wonderful too especially after the high recommendations from many friends on the book which made me watch a movie called 12 Angry Men after finishing that book -The movie and the book are somehow relevant but I just can’t remember how LOL-…

One of my best resolutions this year is to move up with my blog to the next level, I’m still unsure whether I should start a new one or keep posting here. However, I’ll probably keep posting here for a while especially after the edits I’ve done on the title -Till Graduation And Beyond- but what really matters is to keep up the writing and become a writer eventually, a well-known one!

I still didn’t get a job, I am supposed to start looking for one now and that’s what I’m going to do next. One of my friends suggested something that appealed to me which is becoming an air host, not really sure of that because sometimes we underestimate ourselves and that’s what probably happened to me at first but I will give it a try.

Today, I am more determined and focused on the future. Positivity and optimism are two paramount factors to leading a happy life. Success is on the other side of fear, it really is, and actions are what we need. 🙂

(350) – Life At Home


Did I ever mention why having kids confuses me? Did I ever mention the downside of living with the family?

It’s 6 a.m. I am so frustrated, pissed off and struggling with my rage. I only slept 4 hours this night, thanks to my elder brother who shares the room with me; he’s making my sleeping habits suffer to the max because “I’m so grumpy” as he states.

The problem starts with me; I’m a very light sleeper but I’m improving and trying to avoid some external stimulus such as light and all kinds of noise. However, there’s a couple of things that still get on my nerves and will never be tolerated; scents in particular.

My brother is the kind of guy who does not understand through listening anymore; he has to go through whatever experience to learn the lesson or you’ll have to be harsh with him and that’s where I come in. He likes to be good looking so he does iron his clothes early in the morning next to me making all that barely audible yet extremely noisy sounds of whatever he’s touching. Oh, first things first, his alarm goes off on time to which he never responds, so it’s actually pointless. He starts coughing badly when he gets up due to the cigarettes he smokes everyday. Wearing his clothes, if and only if it’s all ready -if not, that’d be another long post to explain- putting hair gel or cream; it’s perfumed and the perfume goes directly to my brain cells through my nose and that’s enough to wake me up mentally even if the body doesn’t respond.

After work, he takes a long nap -though he doesn’t want to but can’t control himself- which means he’ll stay up till the late hours, wakes up late next morning and so on. Whether it’s day or night, morning or evening, he’s rowdy, clamorous and much more that I can’t cover!

For the past 10 days, my mom was travelling and I had to take care of the household chores; it’s tough, tough, tough and unfair to the parents. Parents do like the stuff, at least sometimes, but I find it so selfish of the kids to take their parents’ lives for granted and not give a damn.

Self-management is such an act of daily investments, a bit by bit. I’ve been trying to tell my brother, to make him understand the things we as a family ask from him, to help him be more disciplined in his life and not doing what annoys the others or opposes their freedom. Honestly, he’s trying to improve but not doing his best. I do blame him yet so emotional to take a severe action and change things by force. Success, I believe, starts from within ourselves and discipline is a big part of it.

(349) – Irreplaceable


My dad is not my favorite man, he’s not my idol or godfather, I’d always find something new to dislike about him and the ones that follow my blog know that but things changed when I started working with him where I was able to see things from a different angle, to look at how my dad treats people outside and how they respond to him. I actually had an opportunity to discover new sides of my dad’s character. Well, it didn’t take long until I got used to that and was back to my old critics and judgments.

Nonetheless, it still feels different sometimes when I’m more patient and considerate. Two months ago, my dad traveled to Jeddeh to do some work there, he was supposed to stay for a month when his boss extended his visa for another month. My mom decided to take a vacation and went there to spend the last 10 days with my dad. The first surprise hit me when my dad told me that he won’t come back and his staying there will be extended again for at least 2 months; I did not know what happen; well, I missed him, a little bit! Today, I discovered it was all a joke when he showed up with mom at the arrivals building. Something strange occurred, I held my dad tightly and insisted on loving him, I kissed him a couple of times before let go of him and was really happy to see him and mom. At the beginning, I was kind of skeptical to show my love for him, to show that I really miss his existence among us and that he truly means a big thing in our family.

We came back home, my brothers welcomed us and still I felt weak or vulnerable or whatever kind of feeling that made me hug my dad again and personally tell him that I miss him. We stayed up together unwrapping the gifts and talking about almost everything when suddenly I played a song by Fairouz that made me shed a few tears…

Parents are irreplaceable; no matter how good or bad they are, tough or relentless, they are still our parents and nothing will ever make up for their love and care… I truly am for all the times that I’d lost my nerves and got pissed off at my parents, it happens but I hope no more.

I am glad my parents had fun, lots of fun and good times together. I hope I can keep them happy for good and help them travel even more to see even nicer cities and countries. Thank God, they’ve got what they want and tonight it feels like everything has paid off!

 

(348) – The Apocalypse


Back when I was a kid, my dad and teachers used to tell us a lot of stories about the end of the world and the things that are going to happen as mentioned in the Quran as well as Hadith; the difficulty of the situation, the astonishment on everyone’s face and the unbelievably horrible events of that particular day. Well, it made me somehow look forward to that day to witness all of this, to see with my naked eyes what it means and how bad things are going to be.

I don’t actually deny any of what I’ve been taught but my point of view has now changed and I can or at least am trying to see things differently. God created this planet, found life on it and sent us here on a mission. He also put so many pleasures and joys yet rules on how to make the best out of everything available. Well, things got quite complicated all over the past endless years and life has changed so many times, either spiritually or even the tangible stuff, the physical things like biology.

Oh, I digress. What I’m trying to focus on is some people’s attitude toward this day, the end of the world. I have no idea why some of us are somehow trying to rush things; I can’t see a good point of such intentions and why being so negative about it. I mean if you can’t just live, then let live. We are created to enjoy, to love,to have fun and be happy. You can’t judge others presuming they’re wrong and act like you’ll win it all. There are so many things to discover and realize about life and existence, that all has something to do with your role here on earth because if you think you’re not going to be judged for the time wasted here, then I suppose you’re wrong.

One of my friends actually pushed my buttons tonight after he mentioned the end of the worlds as if he was looking forward to it to get what he has in mind neglecting the fact that he’s still here in a good shape to go after his dreams and make them come true. I was trying to see the world through his eyes if he were rich; would he be thinking about the same thing? about taking revenge or sorry letting God take revenge of his enemies on his own? I am saying that with such good intentions, I’m not perfect and get pissed off as well as angry so many times on so many things but the point is that we have power, strength beyond our imagination, life is good and worth living so why wasting time blaming others and waiting for things to happen to us?

I don’t know what kind of experiences people go through that make them so negative and grumpy. It must be hard, and I pray to God to keep us all fine and help us enjoy our times here but I am trying to help, to deliver a message, to open some eyes…

(347) – A Little Theory


Sometimes I’m reminded of this little theory that I developed over the years of which I’m still not sure whether it’s true or it’s just my unintentional belief in it that makes it true. I feel like everyone of us has a certain amount of good times and bad times during the day so if you laugh a lot in the morning, that means your evening may not be as enjoyable.

Well, I never told anybody about that. However, when I did confide to my sister last week, she threw a quick judgmental comment on me “Ahmed, you’re insane!”… what? NO, i’m not, it’s just a feeling and it happened to me just the same day I revealed my little theory to her.

Well, because it could always be worse, things actually get a little bit crazier in my mind; it’s said “nothing worth having comes easy”, that freaks me out… why? why the heck it can’t just come easy to us? why do we have to struggle to get what we want and what we like? I know we’d appreciate it better, way better when it takes more effort but it still can come easily yet so highly appreciated, right?

My friend and I were talking the other day about me getting a job and I told him I don’t want to do what every other guy in my age does to get the job because simply I’m not them and they’re not me, I mean I don’t have to struggle as much to get a job; we have different beliefs, yet different destinies! The idea sometimes strikes me; will I ever be as good as my friends are if I don’t do the same things they’ve all done?! It’s that awkward moment when doubt begins to creep in!

I am sometimes a little afraid to enjoy my craziness to the max, it makes me feel like I have to stop that and thank God for such good times but in fact, I do thank God every second and appreciate all His blessings, I may not be doing every thing God told me to do but I swear I love Him and want Him to only give me a chance, help me bring out the best in me and to give me time as well as good health to do everything I have in mind.

Toady, I believe we are blessed and we all should or must be happy not because it’s a good thing but the reason simply is that we were never created to grieve or dwell on bad times. Our inner strength, beliefs and determination accompanied with God’s will have the power to transform our lives to something marvelous and magical that never happened before…

(342) – Sometimes


Sometimes, I just feel like writing, about anything, about everything; I just grab a pen and start scribbling thinking it must be some type of art, that I might be discovered in the future or be able to improve this passion for scrawling or drawing something genuine but not yet defined.

Sometimes, I think how life would be like when I start writing, how influential I would be and the people who’d buy my books. Well, that idea does not agonize me as much as being capable of writing something marvelous. I mean I don’t think as much about writing a book but the idea that I can write a book, in a foreign language, and be able to use the words in such a curiously astonishing way.

Sometimes, I look at other people I admire, I aspire to be like and long for that day when I am the person I want to be. I look ahead to see how long the journey is, how far the dream may be but then remind myself of God’s glory and how each and everyone of us gets what we want eventually.

Sometimes, I look at other people in the streets, at the shopping mall and everywhere else and try to find my place, to really imagine where I’d be in the near future, to see what makes me different from those who work two shifts everyday or those who are doing a great physical effort to get paid, to realize why I’m different and what I should do to remain different.

Sometimes, I think I’ve got the right kind of attitude, perspective as well as purpose, that I’m on the right way and I shall succeed soon but still I think I’ve got to do more, to achieve more and get moving.

Honestly, I don’t think I’m afraid or worried, it’s just the desire to be better in a place where I think I deserve to be and with the one I want. All I need to do is a little bit of time management and more planning to steer myself away from the wrong path while remaining focused.

(341) – It Does Pay Off!


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Well, it’s such a great feeling to be surrounded by like-minded people with whom you don’t need an iota of effort to express your innermost thoughts and feelings simply because we all think in the same way; we all see greatness and live for bigger purposes on the land of the lord, the land that was made for innovation as well as creation.

It’s actually a greater feeling to realize that your efforts have eventually paid off; the long dark nights, the loneliness, the endlessly deep thinking and contemplation times you’ve been experiencing for so long and now it’s all come true, it’s reality.

Last month I graduated from university but it actually didn’t feel like a big achievement to me; I did not like what I was doing there, I did not belong, it’s not my cup of tea and the thing I always dreamed about. However, toady, after joining Toastmasters for the first time in years, I felt that kind of feeling each and every one of us wants to feel; I was grinning from ear to ear, laughing hysterically with friends and spreading compassion. It felt like home, it is the place you need to be in, it is where leaders are made.

Three years ago, when I stood for the very first time before people and was asked to introduce myself, I could not come up with a word other than my name. I had no idea what was going on or why I even was there but deep inside, something told me it is where I need to be. On that specific day, I decided I want to learn English and be able to stand fearlessly, well, and talk freely. It took so much effort, ups and downs but now it’s all a reality I live and wallow in everyday.

A friend approached me today and said “Ahmed, you’ve changed, a lot! Look at you, your language, your attitude, how did you do it?” I was like “what? Me? who are you talking about? it just can’t be me?” but yes, an older guy was talking to me and about me, he was impressed and so were many others, even me, myself! I did let myself to accept the compliments and be proud of what I have done over the years. I may have not excelled at engineering but there are a couple of things I can and will excel at, languages in particular. It brings tears to my eyes…

Today, hope and faith in oneself are restored. And to quote a great speaker who truly inspired us today and gave me this shudder of enjoyment I say “you don’t have to be perfect to be happy, you have to enjoy your imperfection and be happy and that is PERFECT”

 

(338) – One Month After Graduation


I think everyone college graduate deserves a short break to sort things out and plan for the next step. Well, things are pretty much different in Jordan due to the general financial situation of mostly all families; you’re required to help your family or at least stop asking for money which in case means that you have to find a job ASAP.

I graduated last month, my dad is actually still giving me money but I don’t want that yet I can’t say NO, I need it. It’s somehow troublesome; I wake up everyday delighted that I don’t have to worry about school anymore but deep inside I realize something else is waiting ahead and I got to take an action.

I said to myself it’s ok, I’m going to get any job and save up some money, it did not happen, at least so far.

The problem is that I’m so excited. However, I’m not doing what it takes to take advantage of such excitement or I have no idea what I should be doing other than working on my resume and start sending it right and left to companies begging for an interview or a yes that’ll force me to accept $250 in a month just because I’m a fresh graduate and need the money. You know what? screw it!

Oops! Screw me, I think! Everybody’s got to stand up for themselves, make themselves valuable and worthy, it’s the only way to live the life you want. All it takes is patience and commitment. (seriously?) :/

I am also trying to cultivate other personal skills as well as learning a new language, hopefully that’ll pay off soon!