(269) – Unexpected Failure


I had my exam today, I was too nervous and stressed out to answer… I left the hall early while crying… I will most likely spend four months more at this damned engineering faculty. Even worse, I have to work harder now on something else, something I like to prove to myself I can be productive, independent and that I’m not the one this college made me act like.

No comment…!!!

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17 thoughts on “(269) – Unexpected Failure

  1. Awhh.. I’m really sorry to hear this. Please don’t see it as failure and don’t be so hard on yourself! You know it can happen to all of us and I guess it actually happened to everyone once upon a time. It is not something we should hold against ourselves, because that way we just carry this uncomfortable and painful feeling into our beautiful tomorrow. I think you can definitely do this and easily as well!! You have the capabilities and the skills – send out positive vibes to the world and just enjoy each and every moment, without carrying past memories or fears with you! That’s just unnecessary baggage. Cheer up dear and go for it! Just have a lovely evening, do something fun, go out with friends and just think about positive things, so this event will just be another memory, and not something that drags you down inshaAllah. Alhamdu’ lillah, you live in a lovely country, surrounded by lovely friends (inshaAllah) and blessed with great health, brains and much, much more! Time to celebrate it!

    God bless you and sending you much love and light πŸ™‚

    Shaidi

    • The problem is that I’ve been in this for 5 years and now it’s gonna take me 6. I was always looking forward to graduate and start my practical life, things have changed now… My family was hoping i’ll be done soon but they have to wait for me once more.

      I don’t know what to say or do, it’s really unexpected.

      Thank you so much for your encouragement, my dearest friends didn’t say a word of that, I truly appreciate it… my blog is going to to be extended now until next June… life goes on, apparently!

      • awhh yea I understand. I had that as well, I lost out on a few years of my education and in the beginning it used to make me so sad, because I felt time pressure. It was almost as if I was scared that I was wasting time and that it was the most horrible thing that could have ever happened to me. Looking back now I don’t feel bad about it anymore. Its never nice when these things happen and especially when you feel ready to move forward, then it just gets frustrating. Please don’t give up though and don’t feel disheartened. What is time anyway? It only moves and pressurizes us when we focus on future fears and past memories. Anyway, I understand it makes you sad and that’s okay… though I pretty sure that you will have an amazing time ahead. it’s really okay and hey at least we get to read your posts.. and perhaps this had to happen so something really nice is ahead?? Who knows! Continue to send out your wishes and prayers to the universe and His angels and I am sure that beautiful things will happen..

        God bless ❀

      • so you know what I mean? you’ve been there before me and that’s quite good. I’m not a kind of people who grieve so hard and dwell on the past but it’s really bad when everyone’s around you holding hope and you disappoint them. Besides, you got me when you said “Its never nice when these things happen and especially when you feel ready to move forward, then it just gets frustrating.” this is exactly what I felt; I was preparing to start over, to start from the scratch once again and do the things I always wanted to do after graduation…

        Nonetheless, I second a happier and nicer time is yet to come Inshallah. I posted a status on facebook yesterday saying “the real test sometimes is not the one you think it is but what follows” and whenever a door closes, another opens,.. so yes, all we have to do is to look forward and push ourselves harder, things will make perfect sense soon, I hope!

        thank you for always being a source of inspiration and support, I really appreciate your comments and kind words, you rarely ever get to know persons like you, i’m really glad I am following yo here.

        Happy Eid to you, I hope you’re fasting today. πŸ™‚

      • Thank you for your kind words dearest one DjazakAllah khairan πŸ™‚ Unfortunately I wasn’t able to fast today, insha’ Allah next time!! Happy Eid to you and your family as well! I really hope you have a great day!

        About people’s expectations, I know that’s the worst part – it really drags you down! Often the moment we manage to get over ourselves and start to feel a bit motivated, people in our surroundings tend to bring us down. It’s very important to detach yourself and stay aware of why they say what they say. When we think about it, no one can really go against any failure if they live in the now and with complete faith – since when we live in the now with complete faith, then we know that whatever happens is Allah swt s wish and that He will never let us go through anything in vain (such is His grace – alhamdu’ lillah). So ideally your surroundings should have responded in a relaxed and positive manner (positive words = positive energy for your future). Of course we can’t expect such behaviour from everyone, as most of us (including myself) are in a constant battle with our ego, which stop us from seeing the truth at times. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that whenever my family or loved ones overwhelm me with their expectations, I try to remind myself where it’s coming from (from their ego’s and desires).

        I hope this makes sense, since I just typed away!

        Have a beautiful, magical and blessed Jummah, Eid and weekend dearest one.

        Shaidi

      • Since i’m beginning to confide in you, I will tell you something more private -though it’s already in public-!

        My family’s response the other day was really positive because they think I’ve done some bad things and made worse decisions and that should take a while to be corrected, so it was okay, at least the first days.

        Yesterday, they were out visiting other relatives because it’s Eid and they were surprised by the younger guys in the family who have grown up now and are studying at different universities, so that kind of gave my mom a feeling of jealousy and unproductivity. She came back home so nervous and upset at me, she had to tell me what she was hiding and I felt a little upset too once she finished.

        Once again, I don’t blame her and can’t take more excuses to myself; my only choice now is to keep going silently, no matter what. Also, I’m trying to make up for the time wasted through finding a part time job and making a bit of money, my pocket money at least.

        Have a great weekend, best of luck!
        Ahmed

      • I’m so sorry for the late reply.
        First of all, please don’t feel as if you have wasted time.. Not at all! Alhamdu’lillah this time was a blessing bestowed upon you from Allah swt. A time filled with trials to learn from and derive gems from His ocean!

        As far as the reaction from your parents.. Alot of parents react that way, but it has nothing to do with you, nor does it mean you did something wrong. It has to do with their own expectations, their own wishes. Why did it make her jealous? Because she wanted to be able to say that as well, it would make people look up to her.. It would make her feel better. But is that why we live? So others can look up to us and is that the reason to get degrees etc and to make our children go to school? Your education is purely for your own sake, not to make anyone happy and if people depend on it then it’s their personal expectations which are bound to be shattered. But it’s not your fault.

        Khalil Gibran would say:
        “Your children are not your children.
        They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
        They come through you but not from you,
        And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

        You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
        For they have their own thoughts.
        You may house their bodies but not their souls,
        For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
        which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
        You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
        For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

        You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
        The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
        and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
        Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
        For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
        so He loves also the bow that is stable. ”

        You are no responsible in that matter for anyone’s happiness.. You are not responsible for their social status. It’s silly matters like these that put so much pressure on young adults, and leave them in a state of worry and sadness, which is not the way to go.

        I also read something else today, which argued that, if other individuals annoy us or anger us, then it’s because of something we don’t like about ourselves. I.e. We get jealous, angry, annoyed etc. When the ego doesn’t get its way, this doesn’t however mean that the ego is right.

        What I’m trying to say is that don’t let people’s expectations or reactions based on ego desires get to you. Of course this is easier said thn done. Especially when it comes to our loved ones… But when I look back I regret that I made myself feel as if I wasted time and as if I did wrong. I regret blaming myself and trying to please others. I realised we can never ever please others, they need to find happiness and peace within themselves. And moreover, my mistakes weren’t a waste of time. It was a beautiful bitter sweet time that made me who I am today, a time that allowed me to find myself and go deeper into spirituality. Alhamdu’lillah

        Have a beautiful day/evening dearest one.

      • while I’m reading your marvelous comment, there’s a song playing on the radio by Jennifer Lopez called Live It Up. Though I’m feeling miserable today due to enormous amount of sins I’ve been wallowing in the past 3 days, I think I should just live it up and find the light. You know what, the problem maybe is that we don’t do the things we like, we don’t seem to understand what we read in the books, i’m talking about myself for sure.

        I get every word you said, I agree with you and that poetry by Khalil Gibran is fabulous, he’s one of my favorite characters, what a wise man.

        Change, I need change, new experiments, new life, new adventures, that’s a long story I am going to sum up in another post…

        Thank you for all your support and encouragement, that’s so generous of you.

        Peace!

      • I think most of us find it difficult to follow the words of wisdom granted to us by countless mystics and saints throughout time… however, it doesn’t mean we should give up or stop trying! Like you said: live it up!

        Moreover, we should definitely do what we love and what we are guided to do (whatever your heart tells you to do). As to live your life completely for others and take decisions based on what you think make them happy, will only drain us completely. Until we can’t be strong anymore to put up the act and become bitter and resentful!

        I love what you said “Change, I need change, new life, new adventures” and I’d say go for it!! Life is a journey, not a destination, it is not about the worldly things we can attain, but about the experiences we gain throughout life, the magic that unfolds infront of our eyes and the splendid colours He bestows upon us during our journey alhamdu’ lillah!

        Good luck with your journey and I pray that your journey may blossom, may the path ahead be filled with beautiful flowers, blessings, magical moments and beautiful colours ❀ insha' Allah ameen

        God bless

      • Thank you so much for your prayers, Amen!

        If you noticed, I began something different this time with a big intention to keep going and figure out what lays behind the lines. I am going to share one little saying/quote everyday and explain it in my words, what I think of it and the thing it has to do with my life.

        It’s very upsetting sometimes the whole thing we do but I’m learning to ignore this little weakness, this little desire for perfection and live normally. You may not understand because I’m talking about personal stuff I never shared before, However, it all will come out now, it’s too much than I can bear like for example being worried without a reason most of the time, it’s in me, some kind of fear or low self-esteem that takes true faith to be overcome.

        I am starting over for real inshallah this time; admitting all my sins and bad deeds, yet determined.

        Have a blissful Wednesday.

      • Insha’Allah, may Allah subhanhu wa-ta’ala support you during your new journey and I am sure you can do it. I like the idea of your new posts! I always like to read quotes and then take time to contemplate about it. Mystics say that one should read a little, write more and contemplate a lot ❀ it is nourishment for our soul.

        Looking forward to read your new posts InshaAllah.

        Have a blessed Wednesday πŸ™‚

      • PS. I know waiting is never nice, I am currently also waiting for a few things in life and it keeps getting delayed.. at times I do get disheartened, but in the end.. I guess we should know better ❀

      • oh, waiting, tell me about it… I was walking at university yesterday and thinking of the same issue. waiting is really hard and confusing but the only thing that’s making it easy for me is faith in Allah, He’ll never disappoint us… He’s JUST.

      • So true Alhamdu’ lillah.. that’s the exact thought that keeps me going as well, reminding myself that whatever He wishes for me is for my Highest good.. !

  2. Salaam Alecom, Ahmed.

    It is not how many times we fall that counts; it is how many times we get back up…

    Keep trying. Keep working at it. If this is not to be, Allah is kind and will show you your path. Keep the faith (with Allah and with yourself).

    • Wa Alecom Al-salam…

      I appreciate your words, I agree with you. All that I’m trying to do now is to focus and try to make up for the time wasted. I am not giving up but this university is consuming me from the inside. I’d rather not think about it today because tomorrow is the first day of Eid Al-adha and it feels good.

      Have a great weekend, Kambarrett, what a kind man you are. πŸ™‚

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