For new friends, new conversations and new experiences, I am desperate. For new lifestyle, firm beliefs and behaviors, I am longing. Calmness in mind, quietness and relaxation are what I need. A vibrant mind, fruitful thoughts and determination have been my daydream for a long time now; I can’t seem to focus and think clearly. Too many are the distractions in my life, am I the only one? Am I the weird one? Or am I the stupid one? I have no idea!
I knew I had something different but never thought it’d be devastating. I believed it was making me different but I didn’t realize that it was making me someone else until recently. I look at guys in my age and younger, they’re living a completely normal life and progressing with firm steps building a clear future that would only be affected by destiny. on the other side, I am leading a totally different life full of plans that are still vague. Facing too many problems repeatedly makes me think of what I do; is that what my future plans take to happen? Or is it me fooling around? I know failure is the only way to the top but some mistakes are unforgivable.
I keep contemplating others’ successes, would it be my story one day written and published? I don’t know. I am still trying to think rationally, calculate things and take reasonable risks, would it happen? I am determined fighting the most wild needs and challenges, fighting my wild fake needs that are draining me of energy as well as dedication, day in day out.