After I finished my high school and got into college, I assumed I was doing something remarkable and that no one would be able to do it after me. I thought I was unique and distinguished to get into Engineering Faculty and guys in my age would never be able to do something better. I used to stereotype people and look at their appearances, I pursue what I want and never give a shit about others ignoring their achievements with a belief that I’m right and nobody ever is capable of doing what I’ve done so far.
Well, five years later, I’m still at the same college struggling with my studying and kissing ass all the time to get a second opportunity in the anticipation that I’ll do it this time. What I’ve been considering lately is the younger generation, the ones I used to mock all the time; they’re now getting into universities, some of them even graduated and now working in excellent companies. Nonetheless, I often have excuses, I am trying to sympathize with myself and pushing it forward. I am working on other skills and passions to compensate for my lost time but I’ve realized that I am not doing enough effort and not even giving my best to be the one I want to be.
The final straw was tonight when I heard that one of my cousins who’s three years younger is now in Russia with the UN. It killed me, I felt miserable and depressed. In all honesty, I never said hi to this girl, I thought she was silly and a loser that no matter what she ever does, she’d never be able to reach me, my thinking, education or any other thing. But the truth is that she’s in Russia now on a voluntary project and God only knows where she’d be tomorrow or next year.
It was chocking, literally. While I was playing and spending my money on nothing, she was studying hard and working even harder. While I was failing at my courses, she was getting straight A’s and achieving what I couldn’t. I am very disappointed and fuc*** up. I don’t deserve what I’ve had, I’m unworthy and useless.
My mom and dad have done their best, even more than their best to raise us in a respectful and civilized area where successful as well as educated people are created but we didn’t take an advantage of that. My dad could but an apartment and a new car, I doubt it if I would. My mom is very sophisticated and has a wonderful as well as comprehensive vision; I have no idea if I’d get to her even if I read a thousand books.
I still believe I’m on the top of the world while life is going on taking only the conscious with it.