(056) – Two Years Ago


I just found my old SD memory card. It has all my pictures from two years ago, my best moments with old friend, old songs and videos. Even more, my writings when I was still a freshman and many attempts to become a better man saved as word files.

I am enjoying my family pictures when we were still living in our old house. Neighbors and their kids, old furniture, old views, snow and rain and much more. Also, I have many pictures for my outings with old friends and the places we used to go. My favorite celebrities, cars and landscapes. It’s very interesting to see who you were two years ago; it shows the progress and experiences we’ve been through. It reminds me of the decisions I’d made which got me to the point where I am today. It’s very delightful to take a look at the past and see the things we couldn’t see back then and how we’ve changed either for better or worse.

As for music, I’m so reminded of my old taste; Creed, Linkin Park, Saturnus, Nirvana, Maroon5 and Julia Butrus. Those were my favorite bands two years ago. I remember listening to their awesome music for hours without stopping for even a second. I still can feel my sorrow and grief toward every single thing hurt me one day. Nonetheless, happy moments and laughter are still remarkable and will never be forgotten under any circumstances.

The last two you years were very different and distinguished; I’ve had plans to change myself and start working hard to achieve success and make my dreams come true. Two years ago, I promised myself to push harder and never back down at any cost. There were good times and bad ones but it all paid off and here I am today on a new journey with new potentials and updated plans. My risks have vanished and were replaced with new ones. My biggest fears are today my comfort zone and here comes the need to experience new fears which will be comfortable in the future because we always look out for progress.

Those are the first memorable years of my life; they include my awakening and beginnings of prosperity. Again, I’m still not the one I want to be but I’m closer and way closer to the dream of my life. Slide by your memories and you’ll know what I mean, exactly.

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15 thoughts on “(056) – Two Years Ago

  1. It’s always nice to look back and see the changes we’ve made whether for the better or worse. Nice to see how far we’ve come in such a short time and the progress being made every day. You will, one day, become the person you want to be, this I can clearly see in your writing. good luck on your journey. The best is yet to come:)

    • Of course it is. Some people would think think it’s depressing especially when their past is better than the future but I don’t agree with that fact because our lives is what we make out of it.

      Thanks for the encouragement, I’m determined to succeed and be the one I always wanted to be, at any cost.

      Have a great day, God bless you. 🙂

  2. With your positive attitude, I have no doubt you will become that person that you know you want to be. Life will always have its challenges, but they can always be overcome, if you set your heart and mind to it. Good luck on your journey and I look forward to following your blog and watch you blossom into that awesome person that you are. Have a great day.
    God Bless,
    Wild Thang aka Tammy 🙂

    • Positivity is the least thing I can arm myself with. It’s very challenging here, i’m really awful days and thoughts. I wish I can put it all into words.

      Thanks for the encouragment and support,ti’m honored to have you following my blog. I promise to do my best and let’s see what the future holds for us.

      Regards

      • Let me tell you something, ok? You are absolutely right. Positivity is the hardest thing to have when suffering all the time and having bad days. I go to therapy where I learn all this positivity shit and then it usually takes me forever before I actually give it a try. The day has finally come for me, I hope, where I’m going to accept the bad days when they come around, which I have more of than good days. For every good day, I’m guaranteed at least one bad day, if not more. I usually get all depressed and sad and get to feeling so hopeless, but at the moment I am paying, seriously, for my 4 fabulous days. I’m in great pain, and have exactly zero energy and could just sleep all the time, but I’ve finally accepted that this is just how my life is going to be, so I can have a few good days and then get so depressed and sad and sink into that dark hole that is so hard to climb out of and stay stuck there for a long time, or I can just accept that this is how it is. OK, I got 4 great days in a row, can’t even remember the last time I got 2 days in a row, so I feel really blessed about the 4 days. Now, as always, I knew it was coming, I am in bed in some very serious almost unbearable pain and today instead of choosing to get all depressed, mad, angry, sad and all those other things I always do, I’m hurting, but I’m accepting it, staying in bed, resting, taking my medication and I will continue to do this until I can get another good day and then I’ll do it all over again. It’s just a vicious cycle, that’s the way it works for me, anyway. So, I’m in bed, but I’m blogging and writing and getting ready to go to sleep since I was awake almost all night, as I finally got to sleep for maybe an hour, if even that when the monsters decided it was time for me to pay the price of having those good days. This too shall pass, I’ll then get a good day or two again, and then do this again. Now, that’s my positive attitude for today, as I only live in the moment, something of which was very hard to learn to do, as well. Next week, I may be on here cussing and getting out of control and being all negative, I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Just try to live in the moment. The here and now. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn’t here yet and no one is guaranteed a tomorrow so why waste time worrying about something that may or may not happen. Put all your energy into this moment. It takes a hell of a lot of work. I’ve been working on this shit for years. I have no doubt, I will have my setbacks, as everyone does, but when I do, I’m going to do my best to get back into my wise mind as quickly as possible. Do lots of breathing and meditating, with a lot of patience and practice and belief in yourself, it does work. It does take awhile. If you do it and don’t give up, things will really start looking up for you. I’m not saying you will be healed, but you will learn to better cope with things. Just a little advice I’ve learned a long my journey and when I was told to do all this stuff, I didn’t do it at first, but when I broke down out of desperation and began trying to do these things, I found they are very rewarding. I wish you the very best on your journey and hope we are now walking alongside each other on this journey,now. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll help you as much as I can. A lot of people on here have inspired me and given me lots of good advice to go along with what I learn in therapy. Trust me I get bad thoughts. We all do. We have no control over the thoughts that enter our minds. We do have control over what we do with them. They are after all nothing but thoughts. Acknowledge them and let them go. don’t judge yourself or feel bad about yourself for having the thoughts, trust me, I’ve filled notebooks with some of the darkest thoughts possible. That’s how I like to deal with them. I get them out on paper and out of my head and then the paper goes to the shredder so no one else ever sees them, Just a suggestion, works for me. I still have plenty of bad habits and ways of dealing with things of which I’m working on, so I don’t want to be sounding like miss know it all over here. Just sharing what works for me. I have a long way to go, trust me. I’m just now, with this episode trying to keep this positive attitude. I hope it works cause I’m so tired of being so miserable all the time. Good luck and if you don’t want to hear all this, just tell me and I’ll shut up. I won’t be offended. I’m just trying to help, that’s all. I’m also open to any words of encouragement or ideas you may want to share with me. I’m desperate and will try just about anything. I have nothing to lose. That’s all you can do, just do the best you can and try again tomorrow. Remember no judging. You got this. You can do it. I’ll be following your blog. Good luck, friend,
        Wild Thang aka Tammy 🙂
        Damn, didn’t mean to write a novel, sorry.

      • well well well, it seems we have a blog right here, not an ordinary comment. LOL 😀

        I’m surprised, astonished, shocked and inspired too. How could you write this comment? If I were to write something similar, it’d take me hours! 🙂

        I used to believe that we have a certain amount of laughter for every single day. I mean if you laugh for two hours, you’ll have two hours of sadness in return but it’s not always right. You can be happy and have more than 4 fabulous in a row. You can have a fabulous life with a very limited number of bad days. You only have to know how to create this fabulous life. It’s a relative issue, I cannot tell you how, you have to figure it out yourself.

        Of course life has its ups and downs, it’s a given fact. Life’s is also karma. You’re not in bed and feeling painful because you had 4 fabulous days. The reason is deeper, there must be something wrong in your life, something needs to be healed and corrected. The 4 days were a sign to open your eyes so you can see the wrong thing and work on it. I don’t know you on a personal level but im pretty sure God has only one policy and that he treats us all equally. Ask him, talk to God instead of people, his answer won’t be verbal but it’ll be enough!

        Don’t let bad memories and thoughts deceive you and if you do something wrong, don’t overdo it, just leave and run away. We all have bad habits because we are not perfect. Every one of us think of his/her problem as the biggest one on this earth but it’s not. Talk it over with others and you’ll see that it’s nothing, completely nothing to what people suffer from.

        I appreciate your help and I accept it. You might think your comments are long and it is but I read it all, every single word and I’m very honored to have you following my blog. I can relate to what you say and feel you. If you want, we can keep in touch and talk about our problems. There are lots of videos and speeches I wish I can share them with you.

        Have a good day and promise me to feel better. God bless you!

      • I know I wrote quite a novel, I didn’t intend to. It’s just once I got started, I couldn’t stop. I suffer from several and I mean several chronic illnesses and pain. They’ve all been diagnosed through medical testing and all that junk, so what I’m saying is they are real. They are invisible, but real. I’ve had 11 surgeries, a feeding tube that almost killed me because when I went to surgery I was too sick to be having surgery and was at a very high risk for infection. I’ve been to the Mayo Clinic. I do have limitations because of these illnesses
        I would like to get to know you better and help each other out. Oh, don’t worry, in a few days or a week or whatever it takes, I’ll feel better. It’s just a vicious cycle and I’ve taken a huge step with my new positive approach even when I’m down, that should help a lot. I hope to talk to you, again, soon. Take Care and God Bless,
        Wild Thang aka Tammy 🙂

      • I’m so sorry to hear that you have many chronic illnesses, I hope you get better sooner than you think.

        Again, there’s only one way out, it’s the difficult one, so never give up no matter how hard the situation is and remember to have a principle in your life, it’ll help you stand firmly.

        Best wishes!

      • Well, this newest issue just might drive me right over the edge. A few more tests this week and then we shall see. Thank you for your inspiring words my friend.
        Wild Thang 🙂

      • I am delirious too. We’re having so much snow here and I cannot hold myself from going outside to walk under the snow. I am very tired tired at the moment but still have so much energy to enjoy this blizzard. WOW! Have a great day 🙂

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