(011) – God, I Am Speechless!


‘Cause you only need the light when it’s burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low

Only know you love her when you let her go

Let her go — Passenger —

I was born in a very poor family, my dad’s salary used to be very low for ages and we barely could have food on our table. We were living in a very small house with, no food or warmness available but belief and love. To quote my friend “love doesn’t put food on the table” but belief in God does. In all honesty, my dad and mom are very religious not because they were destitute but because it’s the truth. They had a vision, they didn’t want us to grow up in poor suburbs with all our needs unfulfilled. They’ve worked so hard, they’ve fought against injustice and poverty; they never gave in nor did they stop.

Thankfully, they did it. Today we have a large apartment in the city of Amman; it’s the capital of Jordan. We have never seen this coming but apparently, we had a will, so there was a way. Our financial status is way better than it used to be, we have lots of fancy gadgets, we own a 2008 Chevy. Also, we eat the best food and don’t feel cold during winter if you know what I mean.

Anyway, since it’s Eid Al-adha today, we did sacrifice a lamb as a symbol of Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his only son. (Please, google “Eid al adha” so you know what I’m talking about) Then, I went with my dad to distribute the meat on those who cannot afford it or rarely eat meat. This kind of people usually live in far suburbs and have very bad circumstances. We’ve been to many houses and seen many sicknesses. It’s unbelievably terrible. People there don’t have dreams, they don’t know what’s going on outside their poor houses, they have no ambitions to create the change. They are naïve and not educated, they only know it’s God’s will to be like this and it won’t ever change no matter how hard you try to motivate or support them, they got to a point where death is the only thing left to be aimed for. If you look into their faces, you see struggle, poverty, agony, loss, pessimism, depression, surrender, and disappointment.

We got only one lamb and distribute it but I’ve found out that some families deserve a whole lamb. I wish I had millions to give them and see their smiles. Kids don’t get new clothes during Eid. Besides, they only eat beef when others give them enough money to buy meat or chicken.

I got back home and was feeling very negative and remorseful; it’s our fault that we have people like this in our society. If only we give them a small amount of money every month, if only those with fortunes give them small houses to live in, we’d never see something like this and we all would grow up as a society.

More importantly, that made me think and I’m still thinking about me and my family. Naturally, I was going to be one of those people I met today because I was raised in similar circumstances but God gave us his endless blessings. We are really helpless without God, he’s our feeder, he’s great, I love God and I’m so grateful for him. I love to worship God on my way because I see his miracles happening on earth on a daily basis. I am created in a way that challenges destiny and God’s law but I believe it’s for a reason and I will never choose other than God’s path even if it meant to live lonely.

Today, I’m so reminded of my background and the people I came from. These poor people are not shameful and to say I was one of them is my honor. God, I’m speechless because I always complain about my current situation since I am still not the one I want to be but trust me, from now on, you’ll never hear me complaining or being pessimistic, I’m going to make the best out of my personality and status. I promise to help others and make them feel satisfied about who they are.

We never appreciate blessings until they go. Take a deep look and you’ll find miracles, you’ll see lots of things that we don’t appreciate even though we need them very much. I know my message is not clear enough but I hope the title pushes you to think a bit deeper.

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2 thoughts on “(011) – God, I Am Speechless!

  1. While giving money is a good thing, it’s even better to do something permanent to change people’s situation like teaching a skill that they can market and use to provide for their family. Fight for injustice and unfair laws that favor the rich.

    The poverty here is perhaps less extreme, as there is a social system to provide some basics, but even so, there are many, many people struggling. Unless one has been at the bottom, it is easy to look down on them and blame their pessimism for their circumstance rather than the other way around.

    When I was very young, my family was poor. I had a roof, heating and a/c, but sometimes I only got one meal a day. There were times I wore shoes a good two sizes too small and my toes hurt badly from being scrunched up. My family’s circumstances steadily improved with time. Coming from poverty taught us to work hard and my sis tries to reach out to the poorest students in her classes and give them hope and courage to try for more. As you say, so many don’t even realize that one can escape.

    Always keep in your heart those memories and it will make you humble and remember the important things in life, which are not things, but the people we love.

    • What a great comment, I love it very much.

      I used to volunteer with my friends to learn English in a remote town, the financial status of people there was unbelievable, unemployment, hunger, ignorance, addiction, sexual abuse and too many other troubles. Foreign governments were giving them money monthly so they can buy food and clothes. Our mentor always refused to give money because at some point, people there had enough money and didn’t want to work and move on, they accepted the situation as long as they get aids.
      Plan B was about giving them something permanent like a career and let them make a living which is fair enough.

      As for me, I don’t regret my situation in the past, it’s what made me like this today.

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